With another impending sad goodbye (pray for Chas’s/Our Grandma Freida–she’s a true beacon of light), random out of town trips, snow days and delays, and all kinds of other out-of-the-routine stuff, I just have a scrambly feeling. I’m totally fine and actually doing really well. But I’m scrambled. And so is my brain. So here’s a stream of my consciousness.

1a. A few years ago I was summoned for federal jury duty just a couple months after serving on a Baltimore City jury. Well, I had Dot’s wedding that weekend and big plans to make her a cutting board set so I just didn’t have the time. Aubrey helped me braid my entire head and I wore this outfit. I rode my bike and carried my helmet in with me. Let’s just say, it was a pretty targeted dismissal. This outfit kind of describes my current status. I’m great but I have Zac Hanson braids and the attire of a child just learning to express herself, who got her training wheels off last week.

1. Please, Loyola Blakefield (and other people trying to be fancy), stop sending envelopes addressed to “Mr. and Mrs. Charles Eby.” I am a human person with my own name. Now Chas thinks it’s funny to call me “Mrs. Charles.” Can we leave that kind of misogynist bologna in the 20th century or at least back in 2017? We here. We woke. We women.
2. I really love hands (not necessarily my own). I miss Gram’s hands.They were delicate and long and wrinkly and loving. And my grandpop’s fingernails had the most distinct lines on them. I know everyone has lines on their fingernails but his were more pronounced. I feel like they fit him. Straight ridges, like rows of corn, leading to perfectly cut nails. You can actually tell a lot about people from their hands–really unfortunate for me. I have a fat middle finger that seems here to stay, hangnails, remnants of gel polish, signs of anxiety, and a burn per pointer–one from a curling wand, the other from a hot pan.
3. Did anyone notice that Siri’s voice is different with one of the new iUpdates? I don’t prefer the new one.
4. My parents used to rent a storage facility for my dad’s books and other things they couldn’t fit in their house. At some juncture (won’t get into it), they moved that stuff back into the house and gave up their…lease? But who, besides Nancy and Dick, are these people with these storage facilities? How do they continue to be built? They must be profitable. If you rent a storage facility, I would like to know more about it. What is in it? Why do you keep it? What is your longterm plan? Who are your “neighbors”? Have you met them? Do you ever visit your things? Are there rats?
5. My dad thinks LOL stands for “lots of love.” Chas’s mom says it’s “Little Old Lady.”
6. I have never told anyone this, so why not announce it publicly? When I was a child, I made a deal with myself about dumpsters, libraries, and longevity. If I was within two feet of a dumpster for longer than five seconds, I lost two weeks off the end of my life. The only way to add to the end of my life to counteract dumpsters was to perform a swinging motion with my arms. I had to clap in front and then clap behind my back BUT ONLY in a library. I did not keep track of the math though. I guess I figured god would do that. We’ll see…
7. When I dream and read, I place characters in houses and settings I have visited. But I do not choose them consciously. Many books and dreams have taken place in Gram’s house, a few in Aunt Mo’s old house in Michigan, and some in the houses of childhood friends.
8. Are computer updates serious? Does anyone hate anything (aside from like things we should actually hate) more than computer updates? I mean, do what you need to do computer, and leave me the hell alone. How many changes are necessary for Microsoft Word? Sometimes my work computer becomes possessed by the devil and won’t let me do anything until I COMPLETE THE UPDATES. It also highjacks into my email and replaces peoples’ names with weird phrases like “Welcome Attention.” That I really don’t get. For the record, I am totally fine with the current version.
9. Do you ever stop and think about road names? When were they named? How long will a given road hold the name it has? If I wanted a house on a road with an ugly name, that would be an actual dealbreaker for me. I like mail too much (unless it’s addressed in a sexist way).
10. Can you believe that people are still out there operating cars without using their blinkers? This might rival my anger with #1.
11. No #1 is worse.
12. You–the general you–receive a ton of “blast emails.” Who are the poor suckers who read these things? They must work on some people. Every once in a while, Tom’s gets me and I buy a pair of shoes on a whim. Please don’t tell Tom.
13. There are a few things in life I try to be in control of at all times with varying levels of success: my email inbox, thank you notes, my water consumption, being kind and generous, an empty kitchen sink, and folded laundry.
14. Do you ever feel like you’re in a version of The Truman Show? It’s a Jim Carey movie from 1998 in which Truman (Carey) is the center of the whole world he knows. He’s really on a reality TV show without his consent. Sometimes when life gets really strange, I start looking around for cameras–not speed or red light, but cameras just following me.
15. Flo Rida’s “Low (Apple Bottom Jeans)” turns me into a literal freak. I cannot control my muscles when that song comes on. I love that Katy Buettner’s five-year-old feels the same way. #elsalvie08
16. A couple weeks ago, I was out in public somewhere and I overheard someone say, “This is gonna sound so crazy but I just felt like such a Pieces.” Yes, she was right. She sounded like a total lunatic.
17. I think everyone prefers the smaller double-decker shopping carts at the grocery store, right? Why are they the minority?
18. “Whatever you are, be a good one.” The Internet credits that to Abraham Lincoln but as you guessed, the internet lied again, maybe. According to this, it wasn’t Abe. Oh well, I believe it so so whole heartedly. Why waste your time being mediocre? So whatever you are, be a good one.

Thanks for listening. This was cathartic. Stream of consciousness–OUT!